She was very affectionate and playful; she took care of the house well, and was always there for the girls and me. She even initiated sex on many nights, I still missed that. She had become the perfect wife and mother. Then she fell ill, if not for her death, I may have never known.The fact that she allow herself to get pregnant by him twice, and never by me. I'm having trouble getting over her betrayal; even if it started as blackmail it seems she began to enjoy it, more than me, or did she even love him more than me. That's the idea that’s killing me. I'm going to have to let go of this anger. To move beyond it, so I can enjoy my life. “Girls do you know what the seven stages of grieving are?” I asked to tears stained faces. As they slowly shake their head no.“Everyone grieves differently and over different time periods for them, but there are seven stages everyone goes through. First shock and denial, second Pain and guilt, third anger and bargaining, forth depression and. The Big Bang JUDGES the universe, and then the Big Bang allows the universe to exist. Again. And then I spend a million eternities trying to unmake it. It’s what we do. Why do you keep coming back as a human? And why do you keep chasing that same human girl?” “What does Ellie have to do with all this?” I asked. Ellie was the girl I loved with all my heart. I would move the heavens and earth for her. Apparently I just did.“I don’t know, Shep. You are the one that lives same single lifetime over and over so that you two can always be together, time and time again. It’s so sad and desperate really.” I shook my head, it was all too much to take in at once.“Seriously Shep, next time you should come back as a Buddhist and spend a lifetime or two contemplating your role in the existence of God. You remember there is no human God, right? God is a deity of human construct to allow primitive people to have some higher power to cling to. It gives them something stable to base.
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